We really don't have much to say about this season since a year after being in the finals, we failed to even make the playoffs. So instead we will offer a retrospective on Bethlehem Dartball - the first 75 years....
I know from listening to the "older" players that once upon a time, there were some mega-powerhouse teams (like Broadway Garage) that could hang 20 on you before you had gotten your jackets off. I don't remember those days but I do remember Harry Sauer sending a player that was in a hitting slump to Woodcock Garage for next week's game despite the fact that they had dropped out of the league 10 years prior...

Which gets us around to the whole focus of Bethlehem Dartball - we are not the team that looks to lead the league in wins - we look to lead the league in laughs. By all accounts we seem to accomplish our purpose. So how do we accomplish our goals? Well, first we ship out any players that are getting "too serious" or "too competitive" to Little Britain (just kidding...sort of). Then we sit back and look forward to Thursday nights. Dartball is not a place to bring your problems and it is certainly not a place to create any new ones. It is a place to escape from the grind of the rest of the work week and hang out with the best guys playing the best game we know. You know the game well enough so let me tell you about our guys...

John Hunter - If he's not reminiscing with Sam from the Flames about the juvenile delinquents of his youth (I believe Sam might have been one of them), he is actively looking for someone to discuss hunting, hunting dogs, or hunting with hunting dogs. Which brings us to...
Leif Syvertsen - he owns a hunting dog. It might belong to Leif but I think John rents it or leases it or something. A strange arrangement to say the least. Anyhow, Leif is the player that every team has that you would call the reluctant dartball player. He has a ready made list of excuses of why he really can't make it to dartball this week but then when he gets there he's glad he came. Then he usually gets a bunch of hits. Which reminds me of...
Perry Staples - He's tried to hide out in Alaska. He "claims" to teach a welding class on Thursday night so that he can't make the drive to Marlboro. Yet his dart is so sweet that we've decided to give him our "Franchise tag" so that Little Britain can't pry him from our team without having to compensate us with 3 dozen new darts, a new dartboard, and an autographed copy of Franny's acclaimed umpiring book, "How to pull a perfectly good dart out of the double without a shred of guilt". Speaking of autographs...
George "The Bike Guy" Hopkins - He'd like yours on the bottom of a credit card receipt at his splendid Bike Shop on Rte. 94 by the Thruway overpass. He'll even sign a free autograph for you and as the 7th place finisher for League Rookie of the year last year, that could be worth something in a couple of decades. But seriously folks, George is our designated Home Run hitter and I'm hoping he'll be amused that I got more people to read this than the advertisement he paid for in the other part of the dartball program. Speaking of reading...
Herbie Crosbie Jr. - he is one of the most well read shot putters in Orange County dartball history - as long as we're talking about reading video game cheat instructions. All I know is that if Herbie can throw a shot put as hard as he throws a dart, someone might be getting hurt this year in OCIAA track and field. Which leads to...
Jim McCorvey - Despite rumors to the contrary, no one has ever actually been hurt by a Jim McCorvey dart (provided you don't include a couple of unfortunate exercise balls). As I explained to another team the other day, there is more value to a big Jim McCorvey hit than to someone else's hits. First of all, it usually gets our team going since the general attitude is, "Holy cow, Jim's got more hits than I do - I'd better get focused here and stop talking about Canadian Geese flight patterns". Secondly, the opposite team generally adopts the attitude of, "Oh crap! The gods are against us! Even Jim is beating our brains in". I imagine its the same feeling we get when Gardnertown's Dangerous Dave gets rolling. Speaking of Dangerous Dave...
David Ransbottom - We have our own dangerous Dave... becoming marginally famous for "shaking the dart out" before throwing it, David has been throwing darts on and off (the board) with us for the past two seasons. He has been everything from a playoff hero (walk-off homer vs. Flames last year in extra innings) to being the recipient of the dreaded "sympathy walk". Right near the end of this year it suddenly clicked that he was aiming FOR the board and good things began to happen. We have high hopes for this lad in the future...
Dave Robertson - And then there's the other Dave, and a nicer person you're not going to find. He's comfortable talking to the youth of America about video games, mooching a free meal off seniors, and talking about anything with anyone in between. He's also very good with a secret. Especially as it might relate to the broken parts of a certian brand new hearing aid. As long as secrets are the topic...
Anthony the teenager - Its not his official name (Anthony Maers would be the official one) but he shows up at the most opportune of times and generally hits pretty much whatever you tell him to aim at. Also, four years from now we will be able to boast that we have the only ivy league educated player in the league as rumor has it that Anthony has been accepted to Cornell. He plans to major in Dartball. Speaking of Cornell...
Jeff Juenger - Jeff did not graduate from Cornell and he rarely hits the base you tell him to or even the base that he is aiming at but he knocks in a remarkable number of runs nonetheless. Jeff is known, actually, for hitting the least likely base given the batting situation and then immediately proclaiming to friend and foe, "THIS GAME IS EASY!". For those of you that weren't sure, no he wasn't aiming at that base...speaking of aiming
Mike Rydlewski - our most recent addition to dart flinging. Once Mike can convince his arm that shooting the "2" and shooting the "3" are two different things, he will be one heck of a shooter. Until then, keep the exercise balls locked up. As long as the topic is exercise...
Herb Crosbie Sr. - Herb has had some back trouble recently so the only exercise he has been feeling up to has been running the bases at Dartball. Herb is easily our most effective umpire and I attribute this to two reasons. First, he has the unique ability to both intimidate a team and ignore the team at the same time. Secondly, he generally hits about 400 points higher in his own game than in those of the other two umpires so he gets more offensive support than the rest of us. As long as the topic is offense...
Harry Sauer - I've been told Harry is the most offensive player we have. This has to do with both his clutch hitting and his "shut down the game" witticisms that have been known to stop an opponent in his tracks. I've had the pleasure of hitting in front of Harry in the lineup for a number of years and I can honestly say that his is the only voice I have difficulty blocking out. And I'm grateful for that or I might miss something. Which brings me at last to...
James Henry - While I'd like to be considered a great "offensive" player as well, I think that usually I have to settle for "annoying". Then again, I justify my defensive banter by figuring that its more meaningful for someone to get a hit while someone is heckling you (even if it just a pointless regular season game) than it is to get a hit while no one is paying attention. The problem is that people had a few too many meaningful at bats against us this year...

So now you know the secret of Bethlehem Church Dartball. If you can get home from dartball and your jaw hurts from laughing too hard - you had a good night no matter how many hits you got. It doesn't matter if you win or lose just so long as Jim remembers your name at the post game prayer! (I apologize again Gary, but I just couldn't help myself...)